We all want the best for our children, and in a world where confident, self-assured people thrive, most of us would like for our kids to be as confident in themselves as possible. For many parents, this is the reason for encouraging play dates even at a young age or signing your child up for preschool before they technically need to go.
But, even when we think we’re encouraging our children to believe in themselves, our natural parental instincts to protect our kids can often undo any good from our confidence-boosting attempts. To make sure that’s not the case, we should be whatever we can to avoid unintentionally undermining our kid’s confidence in the following ways –
Avoiding all risks
You’re a parent. You can’t help the fact that your body reacts when your child faces the slightest risk. Unfortunately, children who have never had to navigate risks for themselves are less confident in both their ability to keep themselves safe and their ability to overcome issues or mistakes.
Of course, this isn’t to say that you should send your child out to cross the road on their own as soon as they’re old enough to do so. But, it does mean that you should let your child take a certain degree of risk in safe environments like the home, or a confined playground complete with age-appropriate equipment and engineered wood fiber flooring for safety. By just standing back a little bit, you should soon see that your child develops far more confidence for things like physical activity and problem-solving. And, at least in these environments, you can swoop right in with a first aid kit if they do happen to fall and sustain a small cut.
Doing everything
When your children were babies, they relied on you for everything from food prep to getting dressed, and beyond. Heck, when they were tiny, they weren’t even capable of playing on their own! Now, though, your children are growing up, and if you keep doing those things for them, then you’ll end up holding them back in a whole host of ways.
After all, without their independence, your children can never gain confidence in their abilities or choices. Instead, you should encourage them to get involved in everything from simple meal prep to choosing their outfits each day. Yes, it may take a little longer than just doing things yourself, but within a few days, you should see your children growing in their ability to make faster, wiser decisions without your prompting.
Making them doubt themselves
No parent would intentionally put their child down or make them believe that they’re not capable of something, but a lot of us are guilty of doing this because we believe it’s kinder. For instance, if your child was taking music lessons but you could see they didn’t have an aptitude for that particular instrument, you might make the mistake of saying things like ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ or ‘Wouldn’t you prefer a different instrument?’
While you might think you’re being kind in this example and many others, you’re actually sending one clear message – you can’t do this. And that’s sure to take its toll. Of course, this isn’t to say that you should force your child to carry on with something if they’re obviously unhappy doing it, in which case, the above conversation can be useful. But, if your child is enjoying something, comments like these could knock their confidence, and see them leaving behind things that they love because they become convinced that they’re not good enough.
Instilling too much fear of strangers
This last one is difficult because for obvious reasons, instilling a healthy fear of strangers is crucial for keeping your children safe. But, if you teach your child to fear every stranger that speaks to them, they’re going to struggle a great deal socially with their peers, teachers, and beyond.
Instead, confidence here is about compromise. Rather than simply saying ‘don’t speak to strangers’, try an alternative like ‘don’t speak to strangers unless mummy’s there’ or, ‘don’t speak to strangers that mummy hasn’t introduced you to.’ That way, your child can become confident enjoying safe socialization, without a constant fear at the back of their minds.
You want to keep your child safe, but remember that you also need them to be confident to grow and thrive away from you. So, avoid these mistakes, and instead think about all of the ways that you can better raise a happy, confident human.
